There IS Hope

Not long after having posted below, and having accepted the reality that He wasn't coming home, I focused on all the things I had to do. Sorting out the bills, the insurance, I focused on throwing myself into work and "getting on with my life."

I started seeing someone else. And for a time, things were OK.

But God brought me to where I needed to be. He made me realize that what I was doing was adultery. Not because we were only separated, but because I had pledged my life to my husband 'til death before the Lord, and that no decision my husband, or any courtroom made would ever negate the covenant I entered into with my husband before God.

Looking back, I can see the seeds that were planted, and how He brought them to bud in a way only He can, so that when I sought counselling my heart was ready to hear that there was hope for my seemingly dead marriage. Thank you Lord for how far you have brought me.

I soon plugged into Rejoice Marriage Ministries at rejoiceministries.org where I found hope in the story of a restored marriage after far worse struggles than what we had gone through.

Today marks one year that he's been gone. The silence was the worst. Not knowing where he was, or if he was OK. The truth that the world doesn't tell you is that when you marry, that covenant is meant to last a lifetime, and that you aren't meant to be apart. It really is true that you become one flesh, and so the dull ache of missing him is always there. But after a year of growing in the Lord, and learning to trust Him to meet my needs, learning to believe in and trust that His promises are true, the intensity is gone. It's been replaced by a calm assurance that my Lord will to what He says He'll do. Isaiah 54 is the promise the Lord gave me shortly after he left. It shocked me that the Bible had anything like that in it, since it was almost exactly my story.

My husband is almost home. My Lord is speaking to him daily. We are now in contact at least weekly, and are now able to have pleasant visits a few times a month. God is so good. I spent months on  my knees, crying out to Him. There were (and are) days that the pain is so bad I feel it might crush me. (Going out on a limb here and quoting Scrubs.) Days I needed A BOX OF KITTENS! STAT!!

It's been one hell of a year. But I refuse to mildly hand my marriage over to the enemy to destroy. I refuse. I will stand on the promises of my Lord and I will honour Him and my husband just as I promised. 'Til death.

“Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.”  Isaiah 54:4-7

No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married.  Isaiah 62:4

If you're feeling that kind of pain right now and are searching for an answer, seek the Lord, read His word, plug into RMM's devotions. My prayer for you is simple. And it's scripture, which being the Word of God has far more power than anything I could ever say.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him that you may overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Rom 15:13